Who: Mom and Mason
What: Not sleeping
When: Wee hours of Friday September 1, 2000
Where : Texas Children's Hospital
Why: Mason was sick
Thursday night and wee hours of Friday morning.
Me: Paging nurses several times that night. "Something is not right. He is in pain. He is struggling."
Nurses: Checks his heart. "He seems okay...maybe his tummy hurts and he needs a BM."
Me: " He has a fatal heart condition...he is NOT OK. He keeps throwing his head side to side and crying."
Nurses: "We will check on him later"
7am Friday morning.
New set of nursing staff comes on.
New Nurse comes to check on him
New Nurse: "Mrs. we need you to leave the room. Your baby is in heart failure. We need some space"
Me: rush to get out of jammies and call hubby. "GET HERE QUICK MASON IS FAILING!!!!"
Hubby: Racing to drop MTV off at a friends and get here ASAP.
Me: Call my Dad who is driving to a meeting. He is on the road somewhere between Houston and Dallas. "Dad, they have kicked me out of the room. It is full with doctors and nurses rushing around. They said he is in heart failure....but don't worry they are ready for him this time. They have the shock paddles in position if they need it."
Mason is transfered to the PICU for on the clock observation.
Me: Surprised to see my Dad walk in the hospital doors just 2 hours after I called. I know it was the Spirit whispering to him that I needed him there.
Hubby: Getting sick with fever and flu like symptoms has to leave the hospital for fear of spreading it to Mason.
Sometime that afternoon...Mason is still failing. His heart is way enlarged...His organs are swelling.
Me: Go to the milk bank to pump. Overly engorged from a baby who hadn't eaten in days. Return from the milk bank to find my Dad outside the PICU with tears in his eyes.
Dad: With shaky quivering voice "Mason has coded...they asked me to leave...they are working on him now...his heart surgeon is in there too.
Me: Thinking don't give up now...you are a fighter....you have survived worse. Fight Mason Fight!
Dad: Calls Mom who is picking up my 2 sisters...one in Tyler and one in Dallas. You see it was my sisters 25th birthday that day and we were all gathering in Houston since I couldn't leave with a sick baby. "Hurry he is not doing well"
Mom: driving like crazy that 4 hours it took to get there.
Minutes later
Surgeon: We have him stabilized for now...but he will code again. He is too weak for surgery to see what is going on. We will have to do an ultrasound and see if we can see anything.
Me: trying to call hubby and tell him what has happened. Can't reach him. He is sick in bed.
Me: Calling neighbors and ward members to find someone who can go beat on the door and WAKE him up. He needs to be here.
Hubby: Finally awakes...loads up on meds...says a prayer and heads to the hospital (1 hour away)
Later. After several tests determine Mason's holes in heart has closed up and needs a heart cath to see if they can insert a blade and cut the hole back open. This would relieve the pressure on his expanding heart.
Me: Signing all the documents. Signing all the risks..."even death". But what choice did we have.
Dad: Still by my side...giving me all the support I needed.
Hubby: Finally arrives.
Mom, and sisters: finally arrive as they are prepping him for the procedure.
Brother Mike arrives too to be by our side.
Our family gathers to give Mason a priesthood blessing before he enters the operating room.
Me and hubby: walk as far as we can with Mason before watching him enter the room.
Our family escorted to a private waiting room outside the operating room
Tears and fears. Fears and tears.
An hours passes and we are waiting with our pager to be notified how the surgery is going.
5 more minutes pass...5 more minutes pass. Still no call.
We see head cardiologists sprinting by us into the operating room.
Me: My heart sinks...this can't be good. "Please don't let him die...he is going to survive this"
Minutes which seem like hours later
Cardiologist : "Masons heart stopped the moment we got the blade next to his heart wall. We have been trying to revive him for the last 30 minutes. We have a very faint beat and we will continue to try until there is nothing left"
Me: lay me head back "NOT NOW...GOD not now...keep trying"
Minutes later
2 Cadiologists walk out with sweat soaked scrubs: "He is GONE...he is gone."
Me: shock, disbelief, utter despair.
Me: embraced in the arms of those who love me most...My hubby...my parents...my sisters.
Quiet Reverence we walk back to his hospital room where they will let us be alone with him.
Again my family gathers as hubby admonishes his last blessing upon our sons head.
The spirit may have been gone from that frail body...but it surrounded us in that blessing.
Hubby and I were able to hold him for a long while and tell him every last thing we wanted.
I wiped his cheeks...wiped his nose and held his hand one last time.
We left..leaving him in the care of my mother. She stayed until the end...until the nurses were done with everything they needed. Until the funeral home came to pick up Mason.
I don't remember a word being uttered as hubby and I made that long drive home in the rain.
We arrived home and drove several times around the block...waiting for my brother to arrive with our only child left. We needed her there...we couldn't enter our house with empty arms.
We carried her in and laid her in our bed. We surrounded her and slept all night cradled with her in between. We needed her healing power. We needed to know that she still needed us as parents.
The sun rose the next morning as it always does. The Lord put earthly angels along my path that day. We awoke to a house fill with food for church members, the sound of a neighbor mowing our lawn, our bishop coming the first thing in the morning to minister to us, the neighbors who delieverd flowers and goodies for MTV.
We dressed and went to the newly opened Houston Texas Temple. We needed to feel God's love and try to understand His plan. We needed to go to where we could be reminded of our eternal sealing power for our family. Where we could feel the truth that Families are Forever no matter how early a loved one departs.
The events of that dreadful day will never leave my mind...but I know the Lord sent tender mercies that day too. To have a husband worthy to lay heads on my son's head at a moments notice. A father who listened to the Spirit and returned back to Houston to be by my side. A mother and sisters who already had travel plans to come to Houston to be by my side. A brother who could be there too and his wife to take care of our daughter.
Mason, this was the events of the day that lead you back to our Father in Heaven. Where we know that we will someday be reunited. And what a glorious day that will be.
Until we meet again.
What: Not sleeping
When: Wee hours of Friday September 1, 2000
Where : Texas Children's Hospital
Why: Mason was sick
Thursday night and wee hours of Friday morning.
Me: Paging nurses several times that night. "Something is not right. He is in pain. He is struggling."
Nurses: Checks his heart. "He seems okay...maybe his tummy hurts and he needs a BM."
Me: " He has a fatal heart condition...he is NOT OK. He keeps throwing his head side to side and crying."
Nurses: "We will check on him later"
7am Friday morning.
New set of nursing staff comes on.
New Nurse comes to check on him
New Nurse: "Mrs. we need you to leave the room. Your baby is in heart failure. We need some space"
Me: rush to get out of jammies and call hubby. "GET HERE QUICK MASON IS FAILING!!!!"
Hubby: Racing to drop MTV off at a friends and get here ASAP.
Me: Call my Dad who is driving to a meeting. He is on the road somewhere between Houston and Dallas. "Dad, they have kicked me out of the room. It is full with doctors and nurses rushing around. They said he is in heart failure....but don't worry they are ready for him this time. They have the shock paddles in position if they need it."
Mason is transfered to the PICU for on the clock observation.
Me: Surprised to see my Dad walk in the hospital doors just 2 hours after I called. I know it was the Spirit whispering to him that I needed him there.
Hubby: Getting sick with fever and flu like symptoms has to leave the hospital for fear of spreading it to Mason.
Sometime that afternoon...Mason is still failing. His heart is way enlarged...His organs are swelling.
Me: Go to the milk bank to pump. Overly engorged from a baby who hadn't eaten in days. Return from the milk bank to find my Dad outside the PICU with tears in his eyes.
Dad: With shaky quivering voice "Mason has coded...they asked me to leave...they are working on him now...his heart surgeon is in there too.
Me: Thinking don't give up now...you are a fighter....you have survived worse. Fight Mason Fight!
Dad: Calls Mom who is picking up my 2 sisters...one in Tyler and one in Dallas. You see it was my sisters 25th birthday that day and we were all gathering in Houston since I couldn't leave with a sick baby. "Hurry he is not doing well"
Mom: driving like crazy that 4 hours it took to get there.
Minutes later
Surgeon: We have him stabilized for now...but he will code again. He is too weak for surgery to see what is going on. We will have to do an ultrasound and see if we can see anything.
Me: trying to call hubby and tell him what has happened. Can't reach him. He is sick in bed.
Me: Calling neighbors and ward members to find someone who can go beat on the door and WAKE him up. He needs to be here.
Hubby: Finally awakes...loads up on meds...says a prayer and heads to the hospital (1 hour away)
Later. After several tests determine Mason's holes in heart has closed up and needs a heart cath to see if they can insert a blade and cut the hole back open. This would relieve the pressure on his expanding heart.
Me: Signing all the documents. Signing all the risks..."even death". But what choice did we have.
Dad: Still by my side...giving me all the support I needed.
Hubby: Finally arrives.
Mom, and sisters: finally arrive as they are prepping him for the procedure.
Brother Mike arrives too to be by our side.
Our family gathers to give Mason a priesthood blessing before he enters the operating room.
Me and hubby: walk as far as we can with Mason before watching him enter the room.
Our family escorted to a private waiting room outside the operating room
Tears and fears. Fears and tears.
An hours passes and we are waiting with our pager to be notified how the surgery is going.
5 more minutes pass...5 more minutes pass. Still no call.
We see head cardiologists sprinting by us into the operating room.
Me: My heart sinks...this can't be good. "Please don't let him die...he is going to survive this"
Minutes which seem like hours later
Cardiologist : "Masons heart stopped the moment we got the blade next to his heart wall. We have been trying to revive him for the last 30 minutes. We have a very faint beat and we will continue to try until there is nothing left"
Me: lay me head back "NOT NOW...GOD not now...keep trying"
Minutes later
2 Cadiologists walk out with sweat soaked scrubs: "He is GONE...he is gone."
Me: shock, disbelief, utter despair.
Me: embraced in the arms of those who love me most...My hubby...my parents...my sisters.
Quiet Reverence we walk back to his hospital room where they will let us be alone with him.
Again my family gathers as hubby admonishes his last blessing upon our sons head.
The spirit may have been gone from that frail body...but it surrounded us in that blessing.
Hubby and I were able to hold him for a long while and tell him every last thing we wanted.
I wiped his cheeks...wiped his nose and held his hand one last time.
We left..leaving him in the care of my mother. She stayed until the end...until the nurses were done with everything they needed. Until the funeral home came to pick up Mason.
I don't remember a word being uttered as hubby and I made that long drive home in the rain.
We arrived home and drove several times around the block...waiting for my brother to arrive with our only child left. We needed her there...we couldn't enter our house with empty arms.
We carried her in and laid her in our bed. We surrounded her and slept all night cradled with her in between. We needed her healing power. We needed to know that she still needed us as parents.
The sun rose the next morning as it always does. The Lord put earthly angels along my path that day. We awoke to a house fill with food for church members, the sound of a neighbor mowing our lawn, our bishop coming the first thing in the morning to minister to us, the neighbors who delieverd flowers and goodies for MTV.
We dressed and went to the newly opened Houston Texas Temple. We needed to feel God's love and try to understand His plan. We needed to go to where we could be reminded of our eternal sealing power for our family. Where we could feel the truth that Families are Forever no matter how early a loved one departs.
The events of that dreadful day will never leave my mind...but I know the Lord sent tender mercies that day too. To have a husband worthy to lay heads on my son's head at a moments notice. A father who listened to the Spirit and returned back to Houston to be by my side. A mother and sisters who already had travel plans to come to Houston to be by my side. A brother who could be there too and his wife to take care of our daughter.
Mason, this was the events of the day that lead you back to our Father in Heaven. Where we know that we will someday be reunited. And what a glorious day that will be.
Until we meet again.
10 comments:
All the details keep the emotions so raw. It's such a reminder of what needs to be done on a daily basis so you can be with him again - that is one the the many blessings of his life....he's helping and guiding you all through YOUR lives now. It's also a reminder to us all - which is a gift to us too. We love you.
This is Mom. My computer screen is going out, so I am using Dad’s computer. And I just tried to add a comment to your Mason blog, but for some reason it would not post. What tender, loving thoughts you have to share with us about Mason. This family is certainly fortunately to have a Mason angel in Paradise. Yes, he is very busy doing the Lord’s work teaching anyone who will listen about Father’s plan of happiness as eternal families. He will sometime soon have another family member to teach , his great aunt Gayle. I pray she will listen and accept his message from such a wonderful and handsome grand nephew missionary. That is why I think of September 1 as his transfer day. Mason is our very special family missionary. In fact, he is the first missionary from our family for his generation. Paradise must have been so very glad to welcome him home nine years ago. And how sad we were to see him leave us. Happy Transfer Day, Mason!!!
Dad and I enjoyed decorating his grave for fall this weekend. Maybe he thinks it is silly for us to do this kid stuff in his memory,, but may be just maybe he loves it too. He will get Dallas balloons from his cousins with a special letter from Grant included this year. Family is what this crazy world is all about. Love, Mom
I thought about you all day yesterday when I saw your post on facebook. Stop making me cry on your blog, please. I have mascara every where. I have never heard you tell the story like that. You remember every vivid detail, even 9 years later. It never goes away. What a sweet boy he is. I know he is proud of the family are you raising now and can't wait to play with all those sweet sisters. I love you
Hi Michelle,
It never fails that you bring tears to my eyes when you speak of those last hours with Mason. I suppose it gives a person perspective as to what's really important; our family. Hope you are all well in UT and may peace be with you and Matt as you reflect on Mason's life.
I love this! It makes me miss you guys so much! I love you!
I weep with you even though I didn't know Mason. Your vivid description penetrated my heart. Mason is fortunate to have such a loving family.
I weep with you even though I didn't know Mason. Your vivid description penetrated my heart. Mason is fortunate to have such a loving family.
You are one strong mama! I remember when everything happened with Mason! You are so sweet for sharing all the details. You are a true testimony builder! I think that was the hardest funeral I have ever attended! I know he is so happy that Ya'll are so faithful and strong! We miss ya'll! Hope everyone is doing well! You look great! Thanks again for sharing!
Oh wow you just had me teared up reading your blog....He is such a handsome little boy. I had a brother that died when I was ten...at the time I really didn't comprehend what was happening to him and why he won't be around anymore but I have seen the pain my parents went through. My mother was always in tears constantly and have missed carrying him around. Anyway, Mason is sure blessed to have parents like you. I am sure he can't wait to see you again...take care Elaine
Some memories are imbedded into our minds forever. Even the ones that have brought us some of our greatest heartaches are laced with special, grateful memories as well. Tender mercies if you will. Thank you for sharing that with us all.
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