Birthday wishes and dreams

Mason,
Another birthday is upon us. The 9th year since you graced us with your sweet spirit. I can remember all the mixed up feelings I had that day. But mostly complete Awe at your will to live. Your desire to be with us if only for a short time. We prayed with all our of hearts that we would get to meet you and gaze at your face if only for a short time. With all the miracles poured down that day...we got the greatest blessing we have ever received. To behold you!

You were so big...so full of life...yet so fragile. We knew our time was limited with you but we wanted to breathe in every moment of your life.

They whisked you away immediately upon your birth. Teams and teams of doctors and nurses there to assist you. When I finally got to gaze upon you...you were covered with so many wires and tubes...your face, hands, and feet were purple. They wheeled you over in your isolete...and I stroked your face. Oh the joy and the pain. I didn't know how long you would be here...yet I couldn't hold you. But just to touch you was more than I was ever promised by the medical world.

Dad followed you to the NICU, where more wires and tubes were inserted. I was alone still undergoing post birthing lovelys. I worried about each moment, whether you were still with us. You Dad was gone what seemed like hours. He returned to tell me of the sweet blessing he and Grandpa Vance were able to give you. It didn't matter how many nurses and doctors were around, he wanted to lay his hands on your head and give you a name and a blessing.

I worried all through the night...not able to sleep...wondering if you felt alone in your new home the NICU. Why couldn't I just hold you.

The next day, they wheeled me to your bedside. I tried to be strong just so thankful you were still here...but this is not how a baby is suppose to be...too much wires entrapping you. Again I stroked your head. I whispered "thank you" for fighting with everything to had to be here. Most babies with your congential heart defect never make it through the last trimester. But you fought on.

You laid so still...barely moving. You were up and down for the next few days. You had a heart cath to try to see what your heart looked like from inside. Your little frail body could not take that stress...and they returned you with burns on your chest from the electric shock paddles they had to use to restart your little heart. You could have returned home then, but it was not the time.

You were dwindling though. And at 7 days old we made a tough decision but one that was inspired and lead by the Spirit of the Lord. Open heart surgery was the only option but it was not a good one. You were too weak. Your defect could NOT be repaired...but there was a glimmer of HOPE that the surgeon could fix some other problems that resulted from the defect.

We plead to the Lord to know what to do...and at the moment I needed that answer of what to do...it poured down so clearly to me that there was no doubt...open heart surgery was the right thing to do.


How you survived such a procedure is nothing short of a miracle. They thought you would code on the operating table...they didn't know if you were strong enough to make it off the heart bypass machine and live on your own. There was some touch and go times. The morning after your surgery, you once again coded and the paddles of life had to be used on your tiny little body to get your heart beating. That memory haunts me still...seeing you die and brought back to life barely hanging on.


But then the miracles came one after another...you were getting stronger despite the defect which still limited your heart. You came home and blessed our home for the next 4 months. I was so scared of the responsibility that we shared. How could we keep you healthy.

I knew you would return to the arms of your Father in Heaven, but I am so eternally thankful that I was given 5 priceless months with you. There is a song that says "I could have missed the pain...but then I would have missed the dance". So true I would not trade the precious dance of being your mother to be out of the pain I am in. So I will endure...I have found a way to live with the pain and go on.

But it is only because of this

the temple of the Lord (click here to learn more)

and the covenants and promises we made there

that I know this

And that is how I survive. I hold onto the knowledge that our family is sealed together for time and all eternity. That I will be your mother again in the life to come and will once again behold your face. Your sisters can't wait. Sister #2 once wished that the Resurrection would just come so that she could see you again.
Your spirit lives on with us everyday. Your sisters love you and include you in every family drawing they make. Actually one sis will not let me say just I have 4 girls...she immediately has to tell every stranger about you.
Not a day has passed that I don't cherish some memory of you. I miss you but I know you are safe in the arms of Christ. Safe from all the firey darts of this life. Perfect and free from sin.

Happy Birthday my little angel. My heart is full at the memory of your miraclous birth. Thank you for allowing me to be your mother.
The quality of this slide show is not real great here on blogger...So I also posted it on You Tube. My first You Tube video and probably my last.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYsVWG-nT2c