Friday Septembe 1st, 2000 is the day I HATE the most. It is where I mark time from. Where everything changed for me. The day my Mason's fight was over. The day I had to switch places with him. Instead of him being in pain...I now was the one in excurating pain. A pain that will last a lifetime.I never thought I would be posting a Hannah Montana song on my blog...but the first time Madison popped this CD in..and this song...I MISS YOU...came on, I changed my tune. I was trying to wipe away the tears as fast as they were flowing...one because I was driving and needed to see the road..and 2 b/c I didn't want my kids to see my crying to HM.
Mason memories came flooding in and I couldn't keep back the emotion. Mason, "I never wanted you to leave...I wanted you to stay here holding me...I do miss you Mason...I do miss your smile. and Mason I still shed a tear...every once in a while" (try every day.)
Why does it still hurt so much after 8 long years? Maybe because you were our only son. Maybe because I loved you so much more knowing how hard you fought to be here so we could behold your sweet spirit. Maybe because I know that you are counting on Dad and I to make it back to you, in your perfect state, to raise you in the millennium. Father in Heaven chose us for each other for some incredible reason that I can't even comprehend. Why did he bless me to be your mother I will never know....but I also carry a huge responsibility to be in your mother in the next life...and for some reason Heavenly Father knew Dad and I could do it.
So I will press forward with faith even on those days when my heart still feels like it is breaking in two at the thought of enduring the rest of my life with out you. I will try to raise the best sisters I can for you...so there will be no "empty chairs" at our table in Heaven. You still influence them everyday. I overheard Madison talking about you today. She was sharing a very special and sacred experience she had with you. It took my breath away to hear her. SHE LOVES you...as we all do.
You are the face of Heaven to us all. When I think of eternal life, I see complete happiness as we are all reunited as a family. There will be no "till death do you part". Instead I am so grateful for the sealing power of the temple that can bind us together as a "FOREVER FAMILY".
I hope you receive our balloons from all over today. I know Aunt Cindy, who shares this special day with..since it is her birthday into this life and it is your birthday back into the life hereafter, and her boys will be sending you balloons from Dallas. Grandma and Pappa will send off East Texas balloons, You will get Laurens from Austin, and of course ours from Utah. Madison said today " Boy Mason sure is going to have a lot of balloons when he meets us again." I LOVE that thought. It made me smile.
Mason memories came flooding in and I couldn't keep back the emotion. Mason, "I never wanted you to leave...I wanted you to stay here holding me...I do miss you Mason...I do miss your smile. and Mason I still shed a tear...every once in a while" (try every day.)
Why does it still hurt so much after 8 long years? Maybe because you were our only son. Maybe because I loved you so much more knowing how hard you fought to be here so we could behold your sweet spirit. Maybe because I know that you are counting on Dad and I to make it back to you, in your perfect state, to raise you in the millennium. Father in Heaven chose us for each other for some incredible reason that I can't even comprehend. Why did he bless me to be your mother I will never know....but I also carry a huge responsibility to be in your mother in the next life...and for some reason Heavenly Father knew Dad and I could do it.
So I will press forward with faith even on those days when my heart still feels like it is breaking in two at the thought of enduring the rest of my life with out you. I will try to raise the best sisters I can for you...so there will be no "empty chairs" at our table in Heaven. You still influence them everyday. I overheard Madison talking about you today. She was sharing a very special and sacred experience she had with you. It took my breath away to hear her. SHE LOVES you...as we all do.
You are the face of Heaven to us all. When I think of eternal life, I see complete happiness as we are all reunited as a family. There will be no "till death do you part". Instead I am so grateful for the sealing power of the temple that can bind us together as a "FOREVER FAMILY".
I hope you receive our balloons from all over today. I know Aunt Cindy, who shares this special day with..since it is her birthday into this life and it is your birthday back into the life hereafter, and her boys will be sending you balloons from Dallas. Grandma and Pappa will send off East Texas balloons, You will get Laurens from Austin, and of course ours from Utah. Madison said today " Boy Mason sure is going to have a lot of balloons when he meets us again." I LOVE that thought. It made me smile.
We love you and will never forget our Little Angel smiling down on us, cheering us on. We miss you...we miss your smile...we still shed a tear...every once in a while...WE MISS YOU!!!
8 comments:
What a joy to open your blog and see that angel face! A darling reminder on a hard day for you all. Love you guys!
I just got through reading your last 3 or 4 posts and feel like I wished I was there to just hug you....it's hard when you miss such important people and places in your life. And I wanted to scream at Noah with you!!!! "Don't even think about it buddy...no matter how cute you are!!!!" Oh the heartaches of parenthood. But then the joys are so great too that it helps to offset the hard times! Our love to you sweet momma!
Michelle- What a sweet little man. I didnt have the privleage to see him at all or know you then but through all that physical pain he was in, EVERY picture I see, he is always happy. He did fight long and hard for you guys. He made a huge sacrifice to send you 3more beautiful, perfect little healthy girls. It does keep you going to know you HAVE To make it back to someone perfect. You are a special mom in the ranks of all motherhood. I admire you in more ways than you'll ever know (how many times have I told you that?) We miss you sweet boy. Continue with all that missionary work up there and watch over your little friend, Jared for me.
ok...make me cry more than I already am Kelsey...at the thought of our 2 little boys being friends together in heaven as we are friends here on earth. I know they are cheering us on and at other times yelling at us to get with it and stop feeling sorry for ourselves. But sometimes I just feel like having a spiritual temper tantrum.
Michelle
Thank you for sharing your feelings. I don't know how you do it. I may or not have shared this with you, but I was in the temple the day Mason passed away and as I prayed my heart out for him and you guys, a beautiful overwhelming peace came over me. I won't attempt to understand why you guys have to endure the pain of a lost child, but I know without a doubt that he is waiting for you. I admire you both and am so grateful for your example and your willingness to share what you have and continue to face. I love you guys!
i can't believe how much he looks like you in that picture. what a doll! i am so glad i was able to hold him and love him while he was here on earth.
So so sweet. I remember well his sweet smile and love y'all had/have for each other!
If I would have known about the balloons we could have sent some his way from Russia. NEXT YEAR!!!
I am seeing this post way late but I too remember that sweet boy! You know the reason you have all girls now is that he can't be replaced! He was such an extremely special spirit and had to return home after a short visit. Remind me next year and we too will send balloons from Qatar.
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