Sleepless in Salt Lake

Okay so you know I don't really live in the city of Salty Lakes...but it just sounded better than the other option.

It's 2 o'clock in the morning. Are you up too??? No... I guess its just me and my deepest most thoughts. Oh and also that littlest who in whoville.

My awakeness I can attribute to a lethal sleeping combination of this this and this.

But as for hers I guess she was just missing me or maybe she felt the anxiety of the Jazz playoff game mommy and daddy were at. She had to wake up and greet us with the babysitter as the clock struck midnight. Daddy turned into a pumpkin and went to bed...something about having to work the next day. So he gently placed the littlest who back into her posh bed and dove into the bed.

It may have been midnight but Mom still had things to done. Friday is my happiest day of the week. My bestest housekeeper greets me all bright and cheery to give my home and soul a good scrubbing. Her Aussie accent makes me want to go down under someday. She brightens my day and brightens my outlook. But I sure have to work as hard as my underwire does each day...to get this house ready for a cleaning.

I finally laid my head on the squishy side of my pillow around 1 am (you see I have a squishy memory foam side and a fluffly down side to my pillow just in case the mood strikes me to feel supported by foam of engulfed by animal byproducts) but my heart was torn by the sounds of this littlest appendage of mine singing so sweetly in her posh bed. What is there not to sing about at 1am. She was laying on a swanky minky pink sheet, wrapped in a plush pink blankie, warm pink bottle of yummy milk, a soothing paci and her mommy and daddy back safe and sound.

I was sernaded for another 30 minutes before I couldn't take it any longer. I had to get that delicious thing out of bed and smooch her chubby cheeks. Did I tell you that she has gone from the whimpy 10th percentile to the 90th percentile in a year. I think I purposefully fatten them up so I can have those plump thighs to squeeze and cheeks to devour. I didn't just steal some smooches and disappear. I had to get that little nugget out of her bed and cuddle her. How could I not...she was standing with arms held out wide and hair a tousseled mess. We snuck upstairs and snuggled in the dark family room for the better part of an hour. We didn't talk much just snuggled and smooched and watched the lights in the distance. I felt sorry for the poor souls out traveling the concrete highways at 1am and not getting to snuggle their most delish one.

But as all things must come to end so did mommys stamina...but not baby she wanted to snuggle on...so we watched a few minutes of cartoons. My eyes were getting heavy and I knew this must come to an end. So I carried the princess down to her posh bed and smooched her again before bidding farwell.

I tucked my cold feet under the warm hubby and drifted off to sleep to small sweet sounds this baby of mine. It was if she was saying thank you,,, but it was me who was thankful she waited up for me. Poor daddy missed out...but maybe tonight he will get the pleasure. Oh least I hope so.

Spring Break Utah style

KIDS: Mom where are we going for Spring Break???

MOM: I don't know since your DAD canceled the San Deigo idea...something about heck the whole country is cutting back...why don't we.
KIDS: Well we can't stay home...all our friends are gone.
MOM: Ask your Dad when he gets home.

Later as Dad busts through the door not even able to put his briefcase down (well not really a breifcase more like a soft travel bag).
KIDS: Dad where are we going for Spring Break??
DAD: When is Spring Break???

KIDS: Tomorrow.

DAD: HUMMMMMMMM! I know we are going camping.

MOM: Hello! Mr...I would like to be able to go on Spring Break too..

DAD: What is wrong with camping???

MOM: Where do I begin...bugs...tents...mountain lion attacks...no running water...smelling like campfires...

KIDS: YAY! When can we go???

DAD: When I can convince your mother.

MOM: Give me a campsite like this or this and I might re-consider. Its called "GLAMping"

A few days later.
MOM: Honey, it is Spring Break and we have NO plans.
DAD: Oh, yeah.. I will work on that tomorrow.
MOM: AGGGHHHH!! I can't stay around here another day. Please take us somewhere...but not camping. (Say that while screaming and your head spinning off.)

Next morning.

DAD: I booked us a hotel in Zions National Park.

KIDS: YAY! When can we go???

MOM: Is it nice???

DAD: Yep we have a big suite with our own room for parents only.

MOM: YAY! And I will even hike.

So a hiking we will go.

And here are some gorgeous pics of what we saw.

But you have to visit for yourself to understand the monsteroisty of this place.

I guess that is why 2.7 MILLION peeps will go check it out this year.

Day 1: Drive 5 hours south. Stop and hike at the northern end of the Park.

Kolobs Canyon. Named after Gods home:Kolob

Day 2: Wake up from a good nights sleep in a nice soft bed.

Shuttle over to Zions National Park and hike all day until the kids beg to go back to the hotel to swim and sit in the hot tub. Thats my girls!!!!

Named by a Methodist Minster. For the 3 Partiarchs of the Bible. Most peaks had a religious name or meaning.

The orange mountain in front of Jacobs Peak...is named Mount Moroni for a Prophet in the Book of Mormon.

We must have heard 1000 times..."Look there is a catcus" She ran from catcus to catcus. Hey...whatever kept those 4 year old legs moving.

Avery gets a birds eye view. It was the only way to keep the cutie happy. She even could catch a few zzzz's on the fly...while being bounced around.

We were teetering on some scary ledges. I was scared all the time that one of my chickings would fall. So I kept them close under my wing.

These 2 ran out of steam on the last hike of the day...to the narrows....the place where the canyon becomes so narrow...you must wade through water sometimes higher than your head to keep on the trail. Water was too high so they weren't letting anyone hike all the way...but hubby just had to see how far he could go...so he took super hiker Reagan and baby the last mile.
I stayed behind and watched these monkeys scale every tall boulder they could find. Some were at least 15 feet tall. Too scary for me. I need a trail under my feet.

Day 3: We packed up and took a small 2 hour detour to Bryces Canyon.

Amazing how different it was.. they had these weird rock formations called Hodoos. It was much much colder there...no hiking just pictures along the way.

It's only 8600 feet higher than Houston. Talk about big change. Cold but cool to look at...people don't usually hike Bryces until May or June. I can see why.

FRUSTRATED.

Every time I open my blog to create a new post....I just can't. I am so frustrated with it.

I finally cleaned it up a little so that its not the colorful background that pops out at you...but it is the posts and the pictures. Isn't that what it is really about???

Right now when I open it... I see the twinkling picture of Mason and don't want to post anything else that will bury his picture. I have re-read his birthday post at least 50 times. I listen to the first song by Josh Grobin over and over again. I don't want this post to get lost and buried in all the mundane posts of our life.

I am also frustrated because it seems that I created this blog to be an online journal of our little family. And I hoped it would keep family and friends connected. But it seems like it is my dear friends that want to stay connected. Friends who want to see how the kids have grown...what experiences we are having here in Utah. Not our families. How is that?? We have 2 sets of grandparents...11 sets of Aunts and Uncles....and 23 cousins...but only 2 dear sister in laws care to keep up. I just don't get it.

But thanks to my dear ward friends...neighbors...distance relatives...and international friends who look and see what the Vances are up to.

Okay now that I vented.....I will keep posting....if not for anyone else....for me and my family. Oh I did learn that my dear hubby reads it...He has to keep up with how I am really feeling these days.

Birthday wishes and dreams

Mason,
Another birthday is upon us. The 9th year since you graced us with your sweet spirit. I can remember all the mixed up feelings I had that day. But mostly complete Awe at your will to live. Your desire to be with us if only for a short time. We prayed with all our of hearts that we would get to meet you and gaze at your face if only for a short time. With all the miracles poured down that day...we got the greatest blessing we have ever received. To behold you!

You were so big...so full of life...yet so fragile. We knew our time was limited with you but we wanted to breathe in every moment of your life.

They whisked you away immediately upon your birth. Teams and teams of doctors and nurses there to assist you. When I finally got to gaze upon you...you were covered with so many wires and tubes...your face, hands, and feet were purple. They wheeled you over in your isolete...and I stroked your face. Oh the joy and the pain. I didn't know how long you would be here...yet I couldn't hold you. But just to touch you was more than I was ever promised by the medical world.

Dad followed you to the NICU, where more wires and tubes were inserted. I was alone still undergoing post birthing lovelys. I worried about each moment, whether you were still with us. You Dad was gone what seemed like hours. He returned to tell me of the sweet blessing he and Grandpa Vance were able to give you. It didn't matter how many nurses and doctors were around, he wanted to lay his hands on your head and give you a name and a blessing.

I worried all through the night...not able to sleep...wondering if you felt alone in your new home the NICU. Why couldn't I just hold you.

The next day, they wheeled me to your bedside. I tried to be strong just so thankful you were still here...but this is not how a baby is suppose to be...too much wires entrapping you. Again I stroked your head. I whispered "thank you" for fighting with everything to had to be here. Most babies with your congential heart defect never make it through the last trimester. But you fought on.

You laid so still...barely moving. You were up and down for the next few days. You had a heart cath to try to see what your heart looked like from inside. Your little frail body could not take that stress...and they returned you with burns on your chest from the electric shock paddles they had to use to restart your little heart. You could have returned home then, but it was not the time.

You were dwindling though. And at 7 days old we made a tough decision but one that was inspired and lead by the Spirit of the Lord. Open heart surgery was the only option but it was not a good one. You were too weak. Your defect could NOT be repaired...but there was a glimmer of HOPE that the surgeon could fix some other problems that resulted from the defect.

We plead to the Lord to know what to do...and at the moment I needed that answer of what to do...it poured down so clearly to me that there was no doubt...open heart surgery was the right thing to do.


How you survived such a procedure is nothing short of a miracle. They thought you would code on the operating table...they didn't know if you were strong enough to make it off the heart bypass machine and live on your own. There was some touch and go times. The morning after your surgery, you once again coded and the paddles of life had to be used on your tiny little body to get your heart beating. That memory haunts me still...seeing you die and brought back to life barely hanging on.


But then the miracles came one after another...you were getting stronger despite the defect which still limited your heart. You came home and blessed our home for the next 4 months. I was so scared of the responsibility that we shared. How could we keep you healthy.

I knew you would return to the arms of your Father in Heaven, but I am so eternally thankful that I was given 5 priceless months with you. There is a song that says "I could have missed the pain...but then I would have missed the dance". So true I would not trade the precious dance of being your mother to be out of the pain I am in. So I will endure...I have found a way to live with the pain and go on.

But it is only because of this

the temple of the Lord (click here to learn more)

and the covenants and promises we made there

that I know this

And that is how I survive. I hold onto the knowledge that our family is sealed together for time and all eternity. That I will be your mother again in the life to come and will once again behold your face. Your sisters can't wait. Sister #2 once wished that the Resurrection would just come so that she could see you again.
Your spirit lives on with us everyday. Your sisters love you and include you in every family drawing they make. Actually one sis will not let me say just I have 4 girls...she immediately has to tell every stranger about you.
Not a day has passed that I don't cherish some memory of you. I miss you but I know you are safe in the arms of Christ. Safe from all the firey darts of this life. Perfect and free from sin.

Happy Birthday my little angel. My heart is full at the memory of your miraclous birth. Thank you for allowing me to be your mother.
The quality of this slide show is not real great here on blogger...So I also posted it on You Tube. My first You Tube video and probably my last.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYsVWG-nT2c

All ye Pirates

My Little Pirate Princess,

Look what happens when your over the top Mother wants to throw a little party for you.

You decided back in October that a pink pirate party was what your heart desired 6 months down the road.

She invites all the pirate prinesses she knows (or maybe you know).

She decorates and preps for 2 days. Making cakes, prepping pirate crafts, sewing, shopping and whatever else she can do until 2am each night.

She tries her hand at decorating a cake...Hmmmm...better luck next time.

It looked so much better in my mind.

She makes you have sword fights on the pirate plank...with your much older and meaner older sister.

She dresses the other sisters up too for the event. Although one looks more gypsy pirate.

And then she collapses.

Have sweet 7th birthday. May all your pirate dreams come true.

Love Mom

My Days

No big ground breaking news...no complaints...just random events of our lives this week.

We have had the most beautiful weather known to man. Really. I know I said something positive about the place I live, but its truer than true.

I have spent the better part of each day breathing in the sunshine. I try to make myself productive by weeding the thousands of nasty weeds that survived the long winter. How do they do that.

I am only on my 2nd bed but I have made huge progress considering I am also chasing around a 1.5 year old toddler who seems to enjoy climbing into the most dangerous of places.

I look up from weeding and sprint to save her as she hangs her toes over the edge of our yard and peers down the 6 foot boulders to the neighbors.

Better than finding her at the top of our jungle gym in the "tube that leads to no where" except a terrible 7 foot fall.

Or better is when I discover she has let herself into the dogs yard on the north side of the house. She is no match for the 85 pound beast named Snickerdoodle.

The thing we loved most about our home is the multi level yard that wraps around all sides and has no fences to stop your eye from the view....but for the next year or two it will test my patience as I hover over the littlest who...trying to keep her from harm.

************************

Last week I was out doing all the things mentioned above....and my 2 middle children were inside glued to the TV. Upon finishing their Hannah Montana marathon...they needed some motherly care. After searching my favorite places...the bed, the bathtub, and my computer...they looked outside.

Well if you have seen my house...you would know that you can't just step outside the front door and yell and expect someone 3 stories down and in the back of the house to hear you. So the two put their thinking caps on and decided I must have walked to the park with the littlest who.

The oldest of the two was busy with the stomach flu and couldn't leave the designated plastic bowl...or the before mentioned marathon. So that left the 4 year old who to run the half mile down hill...crossing 3 cross roads to find MOM. Only to discover that Mom was not there. Hummmm their logic proved them wrong.

I only discovered this gross error in their thinking...as I was still out weeding and chasing the littlest offspring...and I saw a 10 year old friend out of breath running up the steapest hill you will ever climb...screaming my name.

I raced down the hill in the back to meet this frantic child (who is also Madison BBF)...and in between her panting and gasping for breath...the story unfolds...that Ri-Ri came to the park alone. Panic stricken I raced down...only to stop in mid step and realize that now I have left baby alone on the trecherous terrain.

I sent the 10 year old friend to watch baby while I race back down...this time I meet my eldest daughter racing up the hill with NO little sister in tow. She is way out of breath and in an asthma attack and all I gathered was that another girl was carrying Ri-Ri back home.

This poor girl is 12 but no bigger than a peanut, and has been piggy backing the 4 year old up the hill. Mind you I can barely walk this hill with no extra beings in tow...but this 70 pound nugget was half way up with a 40 pound lug on her back.

I rescue the 12 year old from exhaustion and want to spank the smithereens out of my 4th born. But I patiently listen as we all gather back at my house to hear the full story. The 2 middle children are pointing the finger at the other on who's great idea it was to send the 4 year old looking for MOM 1/2 a mile away.

The 3 other girls (Madison and 2 of our neighbor kids) just so happend to be playing at the park at the same time that Ri-Ri appears out of no where. They waited for 5 minutes fully expecting me to be following behind...only to finally coax the story out of the runaway...why she was alone.

That night after replaying the senerio in my mind for the 15th time...about how it could have gone terribly wrong...that lightbulb moment of thanksgiving poured over me. I got out of bed to pour my heart out to my Father in Heaven for protecting my children even when I didn't know they would need it. For putting angels in her path to protect her on that dangerous journey.

Who knows each day what we are protected from.

Another Day another Giveaway

So this week I am trying to win this yum yum.

You can check them out here http://wechirp.blogspot.com/ and here http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6098238

Just adds 5 pounds looking at them.