Dedication

We had the privilege of not having regular schedule church meetings today. My younger kids were celebrating a day off from church. What is wrong with that picture. But instead members of the church in the Salt Lake area were able to participate in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple dedication.
Hubby and I were able to bring our oldest with us. Only those 8 and up are able to attend.
I was feeling especially proud to have MTV with us. I thought how special it was to spend time with just her.

And this always present nag was there too...there should be someone else enjoying the dedication with us too. He would be 9 and thus old enough to attend. So again I felt that "empty aching arms" feeling.

But as I was feeling sorry for myself...my thoughts turned to another temple dedication I attended. Almost exactly 9 years ago (August 26,2000) I was sitting outside the celestial room in the Houston Texas temple.

(Houston Texas Temple)

Oh how I grew to love that temple. It was a place of special memories, a place of priceless teaching and a place of refuge from the storm.
The temple open house was the last major family outing we had with our Mason. We took random pictures that day..but who knew they would turn out to be the last. But they were also the best pictures we had ever captured of Mason. He was so happy...so smiley...so full of life.
Weeks after the open house, hubby and I sat quietly, reverently waiting for the dedication to begin. My heart was full, my thoughts were on my little son at home who was getting sicker. We heard some people coming and our little group quickly rose to our feet, as our dear prophet at the time, President Hinckely, entered the room. He stood and in his usual peppy optimistic demeanor, he stopped and greeted us. I wanted to reach out and grabbed his hand and beg him to go bless our baby. OR maybe more likely I wanted him to go command a healing blessing upon our son. I could not hold back the tears and emotion at that thought. If only a prophet of the Lord could touch and bless Mason then he could be made whole.

As I resisted the urge to lunge at our sweet prophet...a thought, an impression, a revelation was given to me. I turned to look at my husband and in that moment I knew that the same priesthood power that President Hinckley had to bless the sick was the same priesthood power that Mason's Dad beheld. And that there was no one on this earth who would have wanted to save his child more. I watched countless times over the past 8 months as hubby laid his hands on my head to bless this baby while I was still carrying him and then many times over he blessed Mason with strength, comfort, peace and healing.

The temple is truly a place of learning, a place of teaching. And I was taught that day to trust in my husbands priesthood power. I am so blessed to have that priesthood power right in my home to be used at a moments notice. I learned to never take that for granted.

And finally the temple became a house of refuge to us in our deepest moment of grief. After having exercised all the faith, hope and prayers that we could muster, Mason had a much greater calling and returned to the one who gave him life. Exactly a week to the day of the temple dedication...we were now standing in the holiest of places for a much different reason. A place to grieve, a place to ponder, a place to express gratitude, a place to feel His spirit around us. I can't remember how long we lingered in the celestial room trying to reconcile his birth, his life, and his death. Trying to imagine with our celestial eyes what our reunion would be like. Trying to find peace at the deepest sorrow of our life. Trying to find the promise amidst the pain. Trying to exercise faith in His eternal plan for Mason and for us. Trying to grasp the depths of what lay ahead and what huge responsibility we have as parents to make it back to our son.

Those are the thoughts I had as I waited for the new temple dedication to begin. I looked over at my eternal companion and my eldest daughter. These are the 2 people who were with me all the way through the incredible journey of my Gethsemane. These are the 2 who helped me heal, who wiped away the tears, and helped me laugh again. And now I was sharing another eternal bond with them inside the church building which was an extension of the temple that day.

It was then that I had a small glimpse of what our eternal family would be like. I am grateful for the outpouring of the Spirit that day to remind me of how blessed I am to have had a temple near me at the time I needed it most. And how blessed that I can go there and still feel connected to Mason as I think of the missionary work he is doing for our ancestors on the other side. And how Mason still needs me to finish the work he is doing by doing their baptisms and ordinances so they can receive the full blessings of the gospel of Christ.

Heavenly Father sends me tender mercies of thoughts like this often and when I need it the most.

SkOol DaZe

6:30 came bright and early this morning, as we dragged our summer lazy bodies out of bed. I was trying to keep my eyes propped open and put a little war paint on my dark circles before I woke Ra-Ra up. And before I could even wipe the sleep out of my eye...my little blonde hair beauty came bouncing into my bathroom fully dressed in her new little school uniform...ready to take on the day.

What my children lack in physical similarities to the one who bore them life...they make up in similarities to my personality. No, not one of morning optimism, that is not a blessing I was gifted with. But waking up excited to wear her new outfit. She was a doll...so preppy...so polished...so cute...and she KNEW it. She had a sheepish smile plastered on her face.

Daddy made her favorite breakfast...waffles with Chocolate Agave Syrup. She gobbled it up. On any normal day...this is a child who rouses around 9 o'oclock...eats breakfast hours later...and stays in jammies as long as she can get away with. So for her to be up dressed (darlingly I might add) and have eaten before the clock struck 7:00 was no small feat.

But again she had brand new clothes to model to make up for the lack of sleep.

After complaining about Utah schools for the last 2 years...I finally was able to get them into a charter school. Oh my lucky stars...things are looking up.

So this was a brand new school...so to help alleviate any fears...I presented her (and another cute family in the ward whose kids were also going to this charter for the 1st time) ...a Schultuete. Which is a tradition in Germany..where on the first day of school the parents present their kids with a obscenely LARGE and overly decorated cone. The cone is filled with all kinds of treats and goodies. The kids take them to school...have their picture taken holding them in front of their school sign or classroom sign..and then wait ALL day before finally getting to open them at home.

Great idea in theory. I presented them to Reagan and the other kids the night before and all agreed to take them to school. Mind you we don't live in Germany...we have NO German descent...but none the less we carried these gigantic things in to snap their picture.

OH the looks we got...the questions we were asked...the embarrassed and horrified look Reagan had as I shoved it in her arms to embrace and hold.

I got my Kodak moment and took it back.

But she was excited to get off the bus that day and tear into her long awaited Schultuete.

Happy 1st Day of Skool my prep school child.

Next week its Madisons turn.

A Tail of 2 Brothers

Ever since of beloved Ella met her maker a month ago...the question I have heard repeatedly is...

When are we going to get a new kitten???

The girls searced dilligently each day on KSL (local newspapers website)...Petfinder.com....Humane Society

Each time they found ones they "loved and had to have"...but I reminded them of the 2 week trip adventure to the "motherland" of Texas.

Still they searched.

Many times I heard "Mom, come quick I found the one I want". OR

"Mom, we have to go this kitten NOW or it will go to a shelter" OR

"Mom, this kitten is going to be put to sleep if we don't save her"

But patiently I waited. You see I didn't want your run of the mill alley cat...or calico...

I wanted our ELLA back. I wanted those bright blue eyes smiling at me each morning.

I wanted that long soft fur to pet.

I waited and waited...and did my own searching.

After we detoxed from Texas a few days...I was searching once again... and found the ONE. It was the ONE I had to have...ooopppss!!! I mean the ONE my kids had to have.

His name was Bouffant...he was 1/2 Persain.

I had a sweet persain once...it was my 1st wedding gift from my beloved. Her name was Chloe. I only had her 5 years before discovering that she was giving my only daughter at the time, severe Asthma. I did what every good Mom would do...I pretended it wasn't the cat..then gave into the deep dark truth and found my beloved Chloe a new home.

I called the flock of girlies over to the computer...they ooohhhed and aaahhhed at my choice.

Well except one.

I will let you guess which one had a small problem. The one who has to have ALL of her demands met or there will be fire to pay. The one who tugs at my heart strings and breaks them at the same time. The one who goes from 0 to witchy in 5 seconds flat. The one who runs my life.

I have always wanted another Persain...but Ri-Ri says "they are gugusting"...or in layman's terms...Disgusting.

She loved the brother of Bouffant...from the moment she laid her big beautiful eyes on him. I brushed off her adoration and called to set up an appointment to get MY beauty. So what if it was HER kitten I was trying to replace.

I knew how good my savvy selling skills were (see Dad I have put my marketing degree to work)...so we headed out the door. I was sure I could do the bait and switcheroo.

She wouldn't know the difference.

Oh was I wrong...she picked up Bouffant and quickly put him down...and said "Where is the kitten that was in basket in the picture." How did she know???

It was a fuzzy small picture on the computer.

She was in LOVE.

How could I deny her the kitten of her dreams...especially after her daddy squished her 1st one.

(Don't let the picture decieve you...it is a different kitten from Ella)

So I gave in...handed over the 50 bucks (I had just pulled out of Daddys account) and made her dreams come true.

She walked to the truck...beaming with her new prize...where her sisters were screaming with glee.

I was hanging my head down. I had lost my touch.

But I knew there was only 1 thing to do. I grabbed my purse and headed back into the house

and bargained a deal to buy the one of MY dreams.

Now I was the one beaming as I walked out the door.

The screams of happy girls could be heard miles around.

Daddy had already gotten home from work and was wondering where his herd of chicks were.

Ri-Ri bounced in the door carrying a large tote and shoved it at her Dad and said through her plastered on smile...."Mommy took us to the dumb mall and all I got was this."

All he did was calmly look at me and say "Really???? We needed 2."

And I replied "Yep...an Heir and a Spare"

No further comment needed.

The others helped Ri-Ri choose the name Bugsy...you will know why if you saw BedTime Stories. His buggy eyes say it all.

I took a few days to mull over my names. After ignoring all the girls suggestions of Zach and Cody or Jonas or some other popular boy toy...I took Nana's suggestion and went with Poofy.

She says her kids always teased her that she had poofy hair...and so does my Poofy.

Now Dad announces his arrival into the garage...we all dive to pick up our kittens to save them from the Big Freddie Flinstone Foot.

LONG LIVE THE BROTHERS...at least I hope.

FLASHBACK 20 Years

I know I haven't been posting much in the last 2 months...so I am trying to catch up day by day.

We packed up this gaggle of girls and headed home to TEXAS.

I try not to subject myself to extreme temperatures of heat or cold...but this year it could not be avoided.

100+ degrees and 100% humidity...here I come.

Many of my high school chums were converging on our hometown to see how far we have come in 20 years. (Gosh now you know how old I am.)

With no date (hubby was back in Utah doing that thing called work) I called the next best thing.. my baby baby sister. How appropriate I thought since she graced our family my senior year of high school.

Like the proud sister I was...I toted that baby to basketball games...to the store and more.

I can imagine the looks I got...as unknowing people passed with their eye brows raised high.

Lauren drove in from the best college around...UT need I say more.

She said, "are you sure you want a YOUNGER, PRETTIER version of you there?"

I quickly changed my mind and said HECK NO...please stay here and watch my offspring for the evening.

(Thanks younger prettier version of me)

So away I went like Cinderella to the ball with no man on my arm.

I did meet up with one of my bestest friends, Lisa before the gala.

We have laughed together since our young 4th grade days as baton twillers.

I can still do a mean windmill if you would like to see.

My friends amazed me how grown up they are.

Professionals, Spouses, and Parents.

(Spanx was in working well that night)

Some who could barely pen their name to the SAT test, were now in charge of major divisions of companies or entrepreneurs.

Well they did show entrepreneur skills even back then as the fenagaled their way out of detention or demerits or failing classes.

(These are people that lived on my street of Spring Grove. Tres was my bestest guy friend. He teased me unmercifully but I wouldn't have it any other way.)

My bigest surprise was to see how dazzling my gal pals all stayed. They paraded into the ballroom with swanky dresses on and bodies that still looked the same.

Tried as I may...not a pound was shed pre-reunion..all that jogging got me no where on the scale but depressed. Then I realized that my friends loved me no matter what I look like.

So I pinned 5 individual pics of each of my darling kids and headed out the door.

(This is one of my bestest friends through high school and beyond. We were the only ones to get accepted to the best university around. Hook Em' We still bleed orange.)

Award ceremony came and I tied for the most number of kiddos. Only outside of Utah would 5 win. My buddy Tres has 5 too...but I think he should be eliminated since he didn't carry one of the them for 10 months much less squeeze one out.

Also a friend named me the "Most Dressed" of the Night.

Gotta keep a girl humble.

4 layers was more than enough in the 100 degree weather.

But my shoes were to die for. (picture to come)

Thats all that matters.

We did have 10 of our fellow Bears pass since our high school days.

Surprisingly they were all guys.

Sad as we remembered them so full of life walking down our hallways.

So here's to the next 20 years.

Hey that's a country song if you are brave enough to admit it.

Our ELLA

Daughter #3 was so desperate to have a cat...that she was trying to catch the neighbors cats who wander through our yard on the way to the mountains. I caught hubby at a weak moment and he said YES. So I immediately went online and found this adorable baby who need adoption.
So we set out as a family to run errands one Saturday in May. We told the girls that if they were good...then we would get a treat on the way home.
We drove up to a strange house and I told everyone to wait in the car...i had to pick something up.
When I got back a few minutes later...I asked Ri-Ri to hold my big black purse. I set the purse on her lap...Ri-Ri looked down and cracked the sweetest biggest smile and yelled "KITTEN".
The other girls were not so calm...and full on screaming erupted from our car.
That little baby with the brightest blue eyes was passed from excited girl to excited girl. She never knew what hit her.
This sweetie never hit the ground for longer than a minute. She was held...loved and cuddle most of the day.
I would awaken to the garage door being open and shut many many times as one by one each girl would wake up and head straight to see Ella.



*********
Then tragically her life was cut short today. A freak accident left our beloved Ella motionless and lifeless. We heard the howl and then found her convulsing. Thankfully she died quickly but we had to witness her last fight at life. It left us all devastated. We had to wake one child who was still sleeping...to say her final goodbyes.
The girls found the most perfect box...a heart shaped box that Daughter #1 had used to collect her Valentines this year.

They each gathered one of Ella's favorite toys...a shoe lace...a sock...a twig...a ribbon that said BEST...and laid it gently with her.

They stroked her fur...they gave her gentle kisses.

They watched their daddy dig her grave and gently bury her. He found the most perfect spot...near their playground, where they can see her each day.

They covered the ground with rocks to protect her and picked beautiful flowers that are so abundantly growing all around.

We sang "I am a Child of God" because that is what we sing at Mason's grave. After wards I thought it was appropriate for Ella too...she is Gods creation just as we are.

I tried to console them and say everything possible...but Daughter #3 said it the best...."It's okay mommy, don't be sad, maybe Mason needed a kitten in Heaven."

I promised her that animals will be resurrected too and someday Ella will be back with her. I am sure she is pouncing in Heaven now.

Creatively Amazing

I look at this lady and wish I could be like her. I am a creative gal in my own right...but can't create things like she does.

Flowers...trims...and feathers ...OH MY!

Go take a peek...http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6379945

I am trying to win this and this on this blog http://www.wechirp.blogspot.com/

ME MORE ial Day

For the past 36 years of my life, Memorial Day has meant

• an extra long weekend with the Mr. at home.
• a good excuse to eat hamburgers and fries.
• another reason for the girls to wear their 4th of July outfits.

But things are much different around these sticks.

The day began with a beautiful 5 mile jog. Not like its a beautiful piece of cake for me to get this body moving that far....but the scenery is beaut. I still struggle for every awkward step...but at least I am doing it.

I have to first master the downhill sprint. I always think of those cartoons where Jeri's feet get moving faster than his body and he has to skid to a stop. That is kinda what I look like. I was going so fast by the time I got to the bottom of the hill...that I didn't pay much attention to the quaint cemetery. But as I was scuffling at a snails pace at the end of the 5 miler...I noticed something different.

This cute, humble cemetery was completely transformed. I was mesmerized by the over the top beauty of it all. It was filled with flowers of every kind, balloons, flags, loved ones meandering around (not the deceased loved ones...hopefully).

Golly gee...I thought ME MORE ial Day was about me and having an extra day off. But these Utes made me stop and pause. All the sudden, I wished I was standing at my own sons grave...adorning it with mums, balloons, flags and such. It reminded me of standing for the first time by his isolete in the NICU. Some one gave me a tip to make a name card and have things to adorn his bedside. It was an outward action of an internal feeling. This is exactly what these people were doing. Showing their ancestors and loved ones...what their heart feels.

I wandered through the graves...not only to catch my breath...but to see if I could feel any connection. I made it up to the last section and there was "baby row". I stopped and read each one...

I cried...

Cried for those mommies and daddies who couldn't hold their little ones....

Cried for those babies who didn't get to experience this life...

Cried for me whose baby was so far away....was anyone standing there and reading his grave marker.

Thanks for teaching me that Memorial Day is not about ME and another day off...but about our fallen heros and extending that to our fallen loved ones. sniff sniff

I was humbled once again.

Later we packed up the family car and headed south to Happy Valley, the land of my in-laws. A great gathering of the Vance clan to honor their dear Daddy's birthday and Memorial Day too.

The cousins ran around for hours...Nanna and Grandpa have a great grandkid house outdoors...huge wraparound porch....big play yard complete with 3 separate climbing, jumping, swinging things. Hammocks to get torpedo spun by your big favorite uncles...scaring me half to death to see these babes tossed like no salad spinner could do. Happy Memories.